i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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