There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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