your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
