I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
