sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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