did you get engaged???
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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