Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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