i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Shame is for Republicans.
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