New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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