you would pick up someone in the library
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
