You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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