look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
