I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
