yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
