She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
