I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
