last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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