you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
