P.S. I can't hear my feet
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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