Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize