ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
