I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize