Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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