Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
