But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
