Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
