I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
