mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
