Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
