Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
