i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Drake has all the answers
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
