My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
