She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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