I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
