he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
