like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
