girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
