Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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