That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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