remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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