Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
