My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
