I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
