I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
