what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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