Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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