But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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