My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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