I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
