i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
