What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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