I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
