i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
