she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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