I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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