laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
