I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
