i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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