I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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