I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
