i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
