I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
