The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
