The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
