i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The uberlube is also flammable
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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