When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
