a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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