I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
