It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
