So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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