i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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