You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
