Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
