Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
