So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
